As Much As I Want To, I Cannot.

Never say a word, don’t mention yourself.

Keep the silence, keep your mind.

Don’t say a thing, don’t speak aloud,

Even when it weighs heavy inside

Lets not be foolish, lets not find a friend,

Lets be alone, for a while, for life.

Shut it all out, or shut it all in,

Even when it cuts through like a knife.

Not to be virtuous, or a martyr,

But to save yourself the coming agony

Don’t spend too long, being attached,

Because severing yourself is the irony.

For something lingers, after every minute spent,

In the solitude of another’s mind.

Something stays and refuses to leave,

And whatever left it there, is hard to find.

Like holding the air, it seems so easy,

Until it slips through your own cold palms,

And leaves behind a void to fill

But nothing to fill it, only a restless calm.

The calm is so simple, because you’re alone.

But those thoughts, they echo with disturbance,

The cave that is built seems so dark,

The mind feels so full of silence.

Something is missing, a piece of me,

I’ve given it away, I’ve lost,

I thought it would bring me peace of soul,

But I curse now, what it has cost.

I know that I will never stop myself,

I know that I will want to try.

Yet I know that as one pulls me left,

The other will keep drawing me right.